Hurt
by LuigiWife1551
Summary: Each member of the Hamato family goes through an experience that makes them ponder what pain and hurting means to them. Small character study, but my first one so be gentle!
1. Hamato Leonardo

**Hello once again! I'm back with more TMNT brotherly goodness!**

**So this will be a five chapter little project that I think works well as a good character study. After seeing a little bit of almost every TMNT (exception being the newest movie), I decided to write in each of the Hamato family's point of view on something they deal with everyday- pain and hurt. I'm not sure what possessed me to write this but hey, it never hurts!**

**Here we go! I own nothing; Ninja Turtles go to their owners. Please enjoy!**

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**Hurt**

**Chapter 1: Leonardo Hamato**

Have you ever wondered what it was like to be the eldest, the responsible one, but of more than just your brother's personal items and making sure they play nice? How about their very lives, making sure they come back alive and nothing more that a few bumps and bruises? How about making sure they aren't mentally scarred by what we are forced to see each and every day?

How about being forced to hide your own emotions, keeping them locked in a chest until it gets to a point when that chest will explode and you don't know who to turn to or where to go?

How about wanting to kill yourself just to make your own heartache stop?

What do I think it means to hurt... my brother asked me that one night. One dangerous, horrifying, painful night.

I came so close to losing one of my own that night, and I took the time not to meditate and be alone, but to sit with him and really think about his question.

What does it mean to be hurt?

To me, it means failure. It means failing to keep them away from those who want to break them, from keeping curiosity in line and bringing them all home safe and sound. My father, our sensei, entrusted me with their very lives, and I came so close to losing my brother. He was hurting physically that but I was hurting far past that.

I was hurting everywhere. Physically naturally, but... mentally. Seeing him in blood, watching him struggle to breathe, watching our family tearing apart. Spiritually, I felt so disconnected from everything around me. I couldn't resonate with my inner being, with my surroundings, with anything.

All I resonated with was his pain as he cried out in agony that night.

To me, hurt describes the terror of watching him fight to survive everyday. Knowing he is a rare breed, the last of our kind, one of us, our strongest unit. Watching his stubborn exterior give in to his terrified interior, looking to me to give him the strength he is slowly losing himself, that I barely have but I must give to him anyway.

Hearing his cries over and over, trying to fight my own urge to cry with him, instead forcing myself to speak a mantra, telling him he's gonna be alright, to keep fighting.

To me, hurting is taking away the only thing I can protect. Taking away the only set of brothers I have always and forever will ever know, ending their lives before it ever started, having me become angry and displaying hatred, screaming 'why' as if someone can hear me!

I don't like to think about what hurt means. I don't want to think past the physical, past what I am capable of actually feeling. I just want them to be safe.

But I painfully know that doesn't always happen. And my nightmares hurt me the most.

I become afraid that what I see in my mind will one day become reality and I would not be able to stop it from happening! Watching them die in arms... that kills me the most and it makes my chest tighten as I say it to him.

What does it mean to hurt... to be honest, they make me hurt. Everything about them, seeing them happy, seeing myself smiling with them as we spend time together, ignoring the cruel world outside as we enjoy each other's time inside, knowing it won't last forever and that I could lose them... that makes me scared.

That's what hurt means to me. I tell him that. He understands.

He knows they will always be my pain, and that I will always continue to hurt because of them.

Sometimes, I wish Raphael wouldn't be so perceptive.

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**And done! Yes, I said it- done!**

**Yes, when I said this would be short, I did kinda mean short. This really shouldn't be past 3k words, but we'll see. If you think I should make it longer chapter by chapter, please let me know. For now, I shall leave Leo as is. **

**Next is the stubborn brother Raphael. **

**Please let me know what you think- constructive reviews and anything tips and advice you wish to pass to me would be awesome! Nothing negative and no flames. **

**Until next chapter!**


	2. Hamato Raphael

**Hello again! And now, time for chapter 2 of Hurt! This time, it's all Raph all the way! I hope you enjoy it! And hopefully Raph isn't OOC... he's one heck of a hard turtle to portray... **

**I own nothing. **

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**Hurt**

**Chapter 2: Hamato Raphael**

Ya ever wonder what its like to get freakin' shot at with a handgun? Better yet, ever been shot by one? I can betcha a lot of ya can't say yes to that, and if ya can... man, I feel sorry for ya.

I can also bet NONE of ya's are a five foot tall, overpowered, stubborn, green- skinned, sai wielding, ninjustu capable turtle. I thought so.

Well, that's what I am. I'm a very hotheaded and temperamental turtle, and my brothers- my stick in the mud older brother and my baby brothers- they know that. I'm not usually one for all the sentimental crap. Gotta have something that's mine.

And yet I gave into that side of me one night. I got shot, ya know, Purple Dragons, thugs, all that good stuff.

Hurt like hell too, might I add. Bloody, oh yeah, but painful? If I could curse right now, I certainly would, let's put it that way. But something else besides me getting shot and somehow surviving it happened that night too.

It had to do with my brother. See, me and Leo- TOTAL opposites. I love to punch first, think later. Leo... likes to think TOO damn much, I swear, and he HAS to be Mr. Perfect. It annoys me to no end, and it has usually led us to get into a fair share of arguments and fistfights.

That night, when I stupidily ran after a few Purple Dragon goons, I had refused to stick with Leo's plan of being stealthy and silent. Like, I know I'm a ninja and all but JEEZ! Can I have some fun or what?!

So I broke free. And I ran after them... and I beat all but one senseless.

But they were smart, I'll say that. One of the goons hid so well in the shadows that by the time I had realized I had been shot and I was actually screaming, the others were already at my side, slashing, kicking, and eventually locating the one who fired the near fatal shot at me.

Leo was panicking for my life... I hand't seen him that scared since we were tots...

I can't remember what happened after I blacked out- other than Leo begging me to live- but when I fully came around, I saw Leo sitting with me in a chair. I was alive, thank whoever watches over us. I was unable to leave the bed for a few weeks but I was beyond thankful I could see my family.

Looking at my brother, I could tell something was eatin' at him- trust me on this, it almost ALWAYS is. So I let him know I was awake by asking him something I always had on my mind.

"Leo, what does hurt mean to you?"

He looked at me, shocked and relived I was talking- if ya wanna call barely sounding awake talking- until he actually took into account I asked him a question. Then that... I dunno, that 'Leo' look he always gets when he's afraid to open up came over and he shook his head.

So I asked him again. I wanted to know what was the real reason he was sitting over there trying to act tough when he was scared like the rest of us.

He explains to me that WE are the hurt he feels. That he feels he'l fail horribly at keeping us safe, and he will lose us one day.

I understood that. And he looked at me, I guess wanting me to answer my own question. So I looked at the ceiling and I answer him.

"What hurts to me... good question. I guess... my anger... that's what hurt me the most."

He leans closer to rest his head on my arm. I don't think he's slept since this whole thing happened, but that's Leo for you. His fear will never let him be free. But I continue to talk anyways, listening to what's echoing in my head as I talk.

"My anger has always been a problem, Leo. Even when I was a kid, and I think it was worse because I couldn't understand what made me tick! It was like, everything every one of you did was a problem and I had to hate you for it! Honestly, it... scared me. Especially after I almost killed Mikey for trying to cheer me up that one time."

I feel myself wanting to shut down, but a small piece of me is grateful I can actually... say this to him. Before I never get a change to. Leo doesn't say anything. He listens.

"As I got older, and I began to understand a little more about myself, I knew I wanted to be free. I mean, yeah, we're freakin' turtles, but we deserve to enjoy our lives too! Why can't we go out and play basketball and hang out with Case and Ape when they have parties and just... not have to live like we're animals in a cage? I hated everything- I hated seeing people happy, hated even US being happy- I wanted you guys to understand my pain!"

I took a deep breath and finally looked Leo in the eye. "I wasn't just frustrated, Leo. I HATED. I hated my life, our lives... and you."

"I... kinda had a feeling you did..." he finally says quietly.

"But I know why you act like such a stick in the mud. I may despise it, and at times, it pushes me over the edge. But... I understand that part of you now, Leo. Just like I understand what makes me hurt."

He waits. "My anger is my hurt, bro. My fear that my anger will one day hurt YOU guys, and I'll never be able to get forgiveness for what I did. My anger at things I simply cannot control and I cannot understand. My fear that the darkness in my heart will one day completely take over and I can't be the brother you all know..."

I sighed. I got this far, sounding all sentimental. But I'm not lying about anything I said.

"I don't want to lose myself and force you all to lose me too... I don't want to be alone because I... I need you guys. I need Mikey to drive me insane, I need Donnie to hit me with his huge vocab and fix us when we hurt ourselves... and I need you the most, Leo. Even though you REALLY annoy the hell outta me, I... I still need my only big brother."

Leo looks at me like I grew two heads. And before I could say anything more, he decides to hug me. Normally I'd pull away from that kinda thing, but besides being trapped in this bed... I want his hug. It's not that bad... I guess.

"We both have different ways of perceiving hurt, little brother. And... I'm glad I can see this side of you. I don't want to lose any of you to anything but you're making me understand something myself." he says as he pulls away and sits back down.

"As much as I want to keep you locked in this cage we call home... I know I can't. You all have to experience, to live life, to be free. My hurt will never stop, my fear will never cease because you're all the family I have... and that's all I'll ever have." he explains shakily, trying not to have a total meltdown.

I just nod. "I know. But we can take care of ourselves, Leo. I'm just... afraid of myself. One day, my anger WILL get out of control. And I will never forgive myself if ANY of you get caught in the crossfire."

"I guess our definition of hurt is kinda one in the same. We will always be each other's hurt, we just see it differently." Leo said, this time not turning away to wipe his eyes. I quietly allow him to finish that, ignoring the urge to let tears roll down my cheeks. I'll save that for another time.

But I feel something inside of me tighten as I look at Leo's face. I hate that he's always gonna hurt because of me... and I'll always hurt because of my fear of myself hurting them.

"Thanks, Raph."

At least now, there's understanding between us. It might change things between my brothers and my father and I, and it might not. But I gotta give it a try this time. For them, I have to try and understand.

"Don't mention it. And Leo, I do mean that literally- do NOT mention this to Mikey or Don or I'll kick ya shell from here til next week, got it?"

Leo's laughter is my reply.

So I guess I thought about my own question longer than I ever believed. I must have, otherwise this conversation probably never would have happened. Scratch that- it NEVER would have happened.

I know now what is my meaning of hurt. My anger is my pain. It will always be my pain, my setback, but also makes me who I am.

I guess... without having something to be angry at, without having a stubborn attitude... I would not be able to protect my brothers and myself from anything. I need anger but it hurts me at the same time... how in the hell does that makes sense, don't ask me.

Dammit... when did I get so soft...

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**And done! Raph's was a bit longer than Leo for some reason... but I think it came out okay. **

**I love showing the tough guy's soft personality too. Raph is a tough outer cookie, but he cares- he just wants to be stubborn all the way.  
**

**Next is the intelligent Donatello. **

**Please leave me any advice, reviews, comments (not flames or rude, please)- anything you think can and will help me with my story. **

**Until next chapter!**


	3. Hamato Donatello

**Hello all! And for the next chapter of Hurt!**

**I owns me nothing, just the random little idea I have here. **

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**Hurt**

**Chapter 3: Hamato Donatello**

I'm known as the genius, the smart-aleck, the 'Fix-It', the whiz, any name and every name that my brothers and our friends could call me that describes intelligence, I've probably been named it.

But I am no god. I'm not even a doctor.

I'm just a teenager.

I had this nightmare once, not too long ago, in fact. In the nightmare, I was running away in a dark forest, and I could hear footsteps behind me. They sounded close, but not so close I could defend myself.

I don't know why, but in that nightmare, I was too scared to look back! It was like.. I knew who was coming after me. I could feel a presence I could easily recognize in my sleep and maybe that was why I never looked back, who knows.

When I awoke, I shot straight up out of bed and looked around. I could remember my heart was beating so hard and so loud I was shocked I couldn't feel it falling into my hands. It felt like I was losing a part of myself and, while I am not one to leave things unexplained, I could not explain this for the life of me.

Every night afterward, for almost three weeks, I'd have the same nightmare, and I'd be too scared to look to find out why. One night, however, my nightmare changed. It answered a question I sometimes wondered if I wanted answered.

Instead of running endlessly, in this case... I looked back. I had to know who I was running away from and why it felt so familiar.

And right there, covered in blood from head to toe, holding what I thought was a large, gleaming scalpel... was ME. Below was my baby brother, his head sliced clean off. His eyes were wide open, baby blue forever staring at me, asking me why did I do this to him, why would I kill him?!

And that nightmarish version of myself just stood there laughing, cutting pieces of my baby brother... leaving him to rot in a pool of his own blood...

I couldn't take it.

I woke up screaming, and the next few things I did, I will admit, I cannot recall. All I know is that in the whole process of that screaming I somehow wound up in the room where my second oldest brother Raphael was staying after he got hurt in a fight.

I do not know what possessed me to go crying to him like that. Maybe because he fights his own inner demons so much, I thought he could fight mine for me.

Now I know that was impossible. But nothing that was coming out of my head made sense to me at the time.

For a long time, all I heard were my owns screams and cries as I tried to shake off this nightmare I had. When I could finally begin to process things and voices around me, I shocked myself even more.

The person who I thought was Raphael... was actually Michelangelo, my little brother... in _his_ bedroom. Raphael's room was next to his and I think it was still empty. To this day, I still have no explanation as to why I ran there. My only hypothesis was that it was more of an emotional rush than anything, like with Raph.

I had to make sure he was alright.

"Donnie?! Hey, are you okay? What happened?" he asked me, a question a minute. I don't say anything... audible, at least. To me, I sound like a sobbing wreck of a turtle.

"Donnie... what happened, bro... what's wrong?" he tries again. I realize that I'm holding onto him for dear life and I shake my head. He's trying to calm me down, and his touch on my head makes me shiver.

I can't be near him... I don't want to think about what I am capable of doing!

I hurt you, Mikey! I hurt you and I have all that evil in me and I'm scared outta my shell!

Once I slow down crying, I notice the room is quiet. I look up at my brother and he's looking down at me, baffled.

Wait. Did I just say that all aloud?

"Evil? Hurting me? Donnie, I know you." he said quietly. He's a little afraid, I know he is, but he's smiling a little too... why?

"Donnie, you fix more than you can ever hurt. You're not a doctor- trust me, you've said that for years- but... we see you as one. You're the only one out of all of us who can heal us when we fall and hurt ourselves. You're the only one who wants to learn about what makes us, us. Don't be afraid to face your fears. You're scared you'll kill us by mistake... by trying to do what you've done for so long... right?"

I just stare at this creature- my 15 year old brother, who can barely pronounce 100 words in a human dictionary and who reads nothing but comics and plays nothing but games... he just said... that?

"Wha... h-how did you... know?" I finally stutter. Mikey chuckled and leans back, allowing my frame to rest against him more.

"Honestly... I don't know. I just... felt it, you know? I know you've been having these for a long time now. You look beat up even before Master Splinter begins training in the morning, and we've all caught you nodding off a few times the past few weeks." he explained, grinning at my blushing face- I feel all that heat rising in my cheeks.

"And... at night... I hear you crying in your sleep. I just didn't want to tell the others why you've been so scared to go to your room or your lab anymore. I wanted you to face them before we faced them for you."

He takes my hand in his and stares at it for a while. My hands are the least calloused of all my brother since all I do is wield a bo staff, but there are some evidence of my battles.

"You're not a doctor, Donnie. We know that. We know you can't always save us, and when and if that time comes... we don't blame you. We know you're always doing your best to keep us going, even when we drive you insane trying to hide."

Mikey holds my hand tight and looks at me. "You're NOT evil, you're afraid. Your hands could never harm anything- you're sensitive to everything around you. Leo told me that once. Heck, you barely fight to the death! You can't kill anyone on purpose, Don."

He pushed both our hands against my plastron. "You can't because this is too kind and too caring to let you. But you're afraid you'll do something to hurt me and... I won't make it. Right?"

His innocent eyes force me to crack; I can't look into his eyes and** not** be reminded of that nightmare... so I focus on the beat of my heart instead. "Y-Yeah... that's right..." I whisper. He nods once and his other hand is soon rubbing circles on my shell. I fight the urge to just relax and go back to sleep...

"Don't be. We trust you. Me, Leo, Raphie, Dad... we all trust you. And we KNOW you. We know you'll always do what you can to save us, and that's all we ever need or want of you. Okay?" he whispers right back. I nod yes and just lay my head on his shoulder. I feel exhausted. Under both our hands, I feel a steady thumping sound and I smile to myself.

I can't let him lose his heartbeat. I can't let any of them lose that. Not until its time...

"Don't be afraid of your skills, Donnie. You're a awesome Mr. Fix-It." I lightly chuckle at that.

"Love ya, big brother." I smile and finally allow myself to drift off back to sleep.

"... love you too, little brother."

This time, my nightmarish version doesn't scare me. Its not really a nightmare. After what Mikey said, I look closely and realize it IS my fear that materialized; how, I'll never know.

But I guess it's my fear, something I know will forever haunt and hurt me if it came to pass, no matter how much time has gone by.

I fear I will not be able to save my brothers one day, and that I will lose them and never know why. I fear that, even with all the education, knowledge, and experience I will gain over the years, it will end up just like that future I was forced to see- my brothers will die and I wasn't able to stop it. I fear that I will lose myself trying to figure out where I went wrong trying to save them.

I stare at myself. He stares at me.

I allow myself to accept it. All of it, even the parts that hurt so bad I was to curl up and cry.

MY fear is what really hurts me the most right now.

I am just a teenager. A weak, caring, intelligent turtle. I shouldn't even be here!

I'm no god. And I'm certainly no doctor.

But... I know I'll do what I have to to keep my brothers and my father safe. Even if I am afraid, I have to... for all of us.

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**And done! Tricky chapter this is, but it came out alright. **

**Next is the trickster Michelangelo. **

**Please leave any thoughts on this chapter as well as how to best improve it, advice, etc. **

**Until next chapter!**


	4. Hamato Michelangelo

**Hello again! and now on to the next chapter of Hurt! This ended up being longer than I thought... o.o**

**Mikey's my favorite turtle out of the four, and I feel like he's the easiest to write about. I hope you all enjoy!**

**I own nothing.**

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**Hurt**

**Chapter 4-Hamato ****Michelangelo**

I'm the baby of my odd little family. And being the youngest does have it ups... but as a ninja, being young also has a lot of downs I seemed to always encounter.

Because I was the youngest, I thought like a child. I loved to have fun, reading all my favorite comics, playing all the newest video games, even trying a new prank on my bros and my dad! I loved my life... as far as everyone else knew. I was also the fastest out of everyone in my family, which... at times, I guess came in handy when you wanted to run from being hurt all the time.

Inside, like, inside my heart and my soul, I feel totally different. I feel... dumb. Not dumb like, I can't comprehend anything, but... useless because my family thinks I'm so idiotic and I don't pay attention, but I do and that stuff... it really hurts. Its my family and I hate that they think that I don't pay attention when I try to keep things fun!

I always hated that... but I could never say anything about it. So I kept on a mask and pretended that I didn't want to cry and hide away by myself. I always cried alone sometimes but I made sure my mask was perfect when I was around them. That's how its always been.

There was this one time, when we were all around 14. Master Splinter- our sensei and father- was seriously kicking our shells in training! It was brutal- even Leo, Mr. Perfect, was struggling to keep in rhythm with our dad!

At the end of it, we were all beat, and we decided to take a shower and crash in front of the couch and watch a movie. I was the last one to go in, and as I was showering, I thought I heard voices outside the door. Not wanting to be totally obvious, I turned down the water just enough that I could hear what was going on as I was showering.

"Man, that Mikey..." Awww, they were gonna talk about how great I was today in training! I chuckled and continued taking a shower.

"Ugh, what about the little twit? He broke something else again?" I frowned a little. Raphie knew I had a habit of being a little clumsy but I apologized AND bought new pieces for one of his things I broke AGES ago. I don't remember what it was now but I fixed it for him... but I shrugged it off. Like I said, I was used to that.

"No, not this time. I don't know, he's just annoying. Like, I'm surprised sometimes we're even related. You sure he's our brother, Leo?"

I froze. THAT was something new. And it came from Donnie of all people. He did sound annoyed, I do remember that, and I also remember the water was running over me and thinking that we are supposed to be brothers... I mean, I know I do a lot of stupid things, but... I'd never say anything like that... that time, that really hurt me.

"Mikey is our brother. Sad to say, but he is. But sometimes, he's a pain in the shell too. He breaks more than his fair share of OUR things, and it's not fair Sensei lets him skips out of training half the time because he fakes being sick! And we have to take care of him?! Not cool!"

I never forgot that night. For once, I finally began to realize that I couldn't keep pretending I was okay with being sad like that. I wasn't okay with my brothers thinking that I was nothing more than a baby who had no sense. I admit I make mistakes but I always tried my best, and I'm sorry if I made them think I wanted to take credit for things I know I can't do in training!

I couldn't put on my mask that night. I barely ate and I just stayed in my room crying myself to sleep. No one bothered to ask me what was wrong and that hurt a lot, too. I hadn't meant much to them that night, and I didn't know back then how much they didn't like me but I tried to push it away for now.

I remember telling myself by the next day, I'll be back to... normal. Maybe this would be blown over.

Fast forward now. I'm 17. I'm still the target of their jokes, their insults and sometimes, their frustration. And yet I try and keep a mask up because I don't want to be a burden to them. I always did what they said and trained hard. No one seemed to know who I had become. I didn't know what I had become, but I knew I didn't like it.

Then of course, one night, they all came to my room. I was unsure why. I had been minding my business for as long as I could remember, so I didn't think they needed to come bother me. It was Leo who said something first.

"Spill it, Mike." I blinked in confusion.

"Spill... what?" I asked. I mean, I thought I knew what they were talking about but I thought I was wrong... and I wasn't trying to hurt myself anymore than I was. So I did what they felt I naturally did everyday- I played dumb.

That's all I was to them... a dumb turtle who didn't do anything right in their eyes and was too immature to understand anything around me.

"You've been acting strange, Mikey. What's going on with you?" Leo... always have to be Mr. Perfect... and always right when it comes to me. But I still chose not to say anything. I shrug and look at my sketch book, which was full of a bunch of random sketches and doodles.

"Nothing's wrong." I said finally. Donnie starts talking next.

"Mikey, what we're trying to say is that your behavior isn't like you. It's been going on for months now. Is everything okay? Is something hurting you?"

At this point, Raph decided to crack a joke that for some reason, sent me to my breaking point. "Hurtin' him? Hell, he's probably fakin' it again."

I snap. I couldn't believe what I had done but at the same time, he was making me so mad!

But I stood up and one fist flew through the air and connected with Raph's face. I stood there, my arm shaking, and Raph just staring in shock with one hand cupping his swollen cheek.

"I'm sick of you guys thinking I can't understand and hear what you say about me! I'm not always faking it! When we fought The Shredder, I took just as many hits as any of you! I put up just as much of a battle as any of you! And you STILL thought I was faking that?! I'm not hard headed, tough, smart or perfect so that means I'm not related to you anymore! Isn't that right?!"

Leo tried to calm me down, but I'm seeing nothing but red... all I remember was screaming and throwing punches everywhere... they didn't understand!

The next thing I know, I'm sitting alone in my room, and I just draw my legs up and sigh. I feel worse than I did before. I feel like crap. But I also feel a little better someone finally heard me.

They all hate me now but I can't bring myself to care anymore. I have no energy to try. So I sit there alone and listen to some quiet music, trying to lose myself in thoughts.

"Mikey? Hey, are you... okay?" Its Leo again. I wish he'd leave me alone. They've been doing that for who knows how long now. Why stop?

"Mikey, please. Can you look at me at least?"

"Go away, Leo. Go be with your family." I spat out, a little too harsh but who cares. I just want to be left alone.

Isn't that what they've always wanted? I wasn't part of the team, wasn't a brother, just a thing to be abused until either I gave in or they broke me. I don't want to be pitied. I want to be left alone and let them be happy.

I hear Leo's gasp and I curl in more into myself. Now I've hurt him... as angry as I am at them they don't deserve me acting like this... but then, who can I actually BE?! I'm so confused... and I don't know what to ask or what to do.

"... I'm sorry, Mikey. I know that's not going to heal anything but... but please. Can you look at me? I just want to talk to you." he says softly. Why you, Leo. Why do you even care about me now?

I don't want to but I lift my head. Leo's brown eyes look worried for once... but who knows. I'm probably an idiot for thinking he cares.

"Why? Why do you even care about me?" I ask. Leo takes my hand and sighs. I ask something else.

"Is Raph okay?"

"Yeah. His cheek was swollen but Don said he'd be fine by morning." I smile a little. At least he's okay. I'm sorry I punched him, but they were all making me so angry...

Leo decides to sit next to me and I look away from him. I don't want to know what he has to say anymore. A lot of the words they've said slowly broke a little bit of me at a time, and I don't know if I can bring myself to give them anymore chances or give myself a chance to let them try.

That kind of pain... being hurt and betrayed by those who said they loved you... that's the worst kind of pain. I hate feeling it. I keep telling myself it will get better, maybe they'll understand what they've done... but nothing changes.

My mask, I noticed, isn't here now. I'm exposed and I'm scared of what's going to happen to me.

"Mikey? Mikey, you're shaking... what's wrong?" I shake my head again and take deep breaths to calm down.

I'm scared of something, that's what! I'm scared to be left alone and yet I want to be... I just don't understand myself anymore.

All these years I've been trying to make myself please them, making them happy, trying to be someone I'm clearly not! I'm a kid and I want to enjoy life! I know we're all that's left, and yeah, thinking about losing any of them scares the living shell out of me! But I don't WANT to think like that!

I want to enjoy my family, for us to enjoy life because one day, I know we're not gonna be together like this anymore and we won't be until we're gone together in the next life...

"Shhhh, Mikey... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry for everything..." Leo whispers in my ear, rubbing my shell. I hate feeling so weak like this!

"Why d-does it have to hurt like this..." I blubber. I want to know but I don't either.

When did I start crying like this? Why am I crying like this in front of Leo? And why is he holding me?

I have such a headache... I don't know what happened... right now, Leo and Raph and Donnie are talking to each other, and I groan before trying to push off someone... Leo? When did I get here? And when did they get here?

"Mikey? Are you okay?" I feel dizzy and weak and I wonder what's everyone doing here. Probably ready to accuse me of 'faking' my tears.

"Bro... Leo told us what ya said... about what we've been doin' to ya. Why didn't ya say anything to anyone?!" Raph asks. I know he's not angry at me but I whimper and look away.

"I... I did... but no one listened to me..." I answer quietly. "No one believed me so I... I just stopped trying."

What's going to happen to me now? I still feel myself shaking. I've never felt so much fear from my own family before.

The next thing I know, my brothers all hug me and I feel... strange. I like the warmth and the protection but I've been so used to being my own protection, and shielding my own feelings from everyone.

I just want to feel like I'm wanted somewhere. Like me being who I truly am won't burden them and bring them down, and make them understand I see things differently... but I still see what they see, hear what they hear and feel what they feel.

"You are wanted here, Mikey. You're our brother and I'm sorry this ever happened. Please forgive us, little brother." I smile; I must of spoke aloud. Its always Leo who does that. Makes me feel a little better.

"It... it's okay, Leo. Its okay."

Slowly, I began to open up to my family. There were a lot of times I grew scared they were going to make fun of me or insult me, but I didn't hear or see any of that. They actually wanted Mikey back... as do I.

Whenever someone asks me what kind of pain do we feel, I stop and I smile at them.

I'm used to fighting. We're like superheros, so we have to be. But emotionally, its a pain I hate feeling.

I guess that's something that...hurts me? Being unable to feel like I'm wanted somewhere. Being alone. I'm the youngest and they always want to keep me safe. They told me that when I woke up the next day.

I'm the youngest and I'm supposed to be their light... I'm supposed to annoy them and they are supposed to get mad at me and make sure I come home safely after every battle. I'm not sure what I am to them myself.

I'm just Mikey. I'm just a child. I'm a baby to them and I have a lot to learn in this world. But I love my brothers and my father and I always want to keep them happy, whether I'm here or not. I don't like to think so dark and angry and negative. I want to keep my big brothers happy and make them understand they don't have to be afraid.

We have each other and I wouldn't want it any other way. I love my family and I love being a turtle!

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**And chapter complete!**

**Next and last chapter will be the head of the household, Hamato Splinter. **

**I hope you all enjoyed and thank you for reading! Please leave any advice that would help me improve!**

**Until next chapter!**


	5. Hamato Splinter

**Hello all! The last chapter of my little project, Hurt! I hope you all enjoyed it, and any advice you have will definitely help me in the future!**

**Enjoy! I own nothing. **

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**Hurt **

**Chapter 5: Hamato Splinter**

_I am Hamato Splinter. I am an unusual character, as are my four young sons, Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello and Michelangelo. _

_You see, I was raised by my master, whose namesake I now carry. Hamato Yoshi was a noble man, a dedicated warrior from whom I learned all I have now passed on to my sons. He was... like my father. _

_I should also mention I was my master's adored pet rat. Yes, I was a rat learning ninjustu. It sounds strange, and maybe a little unbelievable, but it is true. He took care of me as if I were his real son, and I learned many things that I have passed on to my own sons. _

_Until the day he was cruelly taken from my life, I enjoyed a simpler life. But that all changed once The Shredder arrived in my master's dojo. _

_All I witnessed... was my master, my beloved Master Yoshi... be slain in an unfair battle against an unhonorable monster._

_My life forever changed after that fateful night. I was unable to do anything to help my master, and I had no choice but to watch a brave warrior die that kind of death. It was... painful. _

_I lost the will to carry on after that. I could not save my master. I could barely save myself. And now I cannot even give him a proper burial!_

_For a long, long time, I lost myself, both spiritually and physically. I carried a day to day existence, struggling to survive, wondering what new trails awaited me. It was not how I wished to live, and one day, I came close to letting the darkness devour me, when something unexpected and even more strange happened._

_It began with a broken canister of ooze, and playing in it were four very tiny green turtles. I felt sorrow for them, thinking they had been abandoned as well, and took them under my care. _

_Of course, housing myself was difficult enough. Housing myself and four young turtle tots was a new challenge altogether. But after hours of searching and some creative thinking, I had made us a little bungalow to keep us warm for the night. _

_When I awoke, to my surprise, I found that the four little baby turtles had grown! And every day they continued to do so. Grow into their own person, grow into four young, mischievous, often times hardheaded (especially my second oldest son Raphael) but sweet and strong turtle boys. _

_I named my children in order from eldest to youngest. While they were all around the same age, I felt each of them had their own personality that would be fitting for them. _

_My eldest, Leonardo. Always willing to learn, grown, work hard, and protect his younger siblings, something I have witnessed time and again. _

_My second eldest, Raphael. Hard headed, determined to find his way, powerful, but caring of his brothers. Even when he and Leo do not always agree. _

_My second youngest, Donatello. Intelligent, inquisitive, but peaceful and quiet. I knew he was a pacifist child and he could never hurt a living creature, no matter what. _

_My youngest, Michelangelo. Playful, sometimes TOO playful, fast, easy going, but the sunshine that myself and his brothers always need and always swore to keep away from any darkness that wishes to corrupt his innocent mind and caring heart. _

_My boys are now 15 years old. I have trained them in ninjustu, as I was trained by my deceased master and father. I continue to watch them grow, watch them fight, worried like a parent worries and wanting them to return safely home. _

_I have seen fights and fall outs. I have heard insults, curses and bad words thrown to each other, and comforted each and every one of them. I have felt the agonizing pain of seeing them in my nightmares, watching them being slain with me being unable to help or save them... _

_But I have also felt another type of pain. Watching them mature and grow. One day, they will separate. They will want to find their own paths in life, and I want nothing more than to keep them home with me. _

_One night, coming downstairs to turn their TV off for the evening, I smiled at the sight laid out before me. _

_All four of my sons cuddled together watching what appeared to be a movie. Leonardo and Raphael protectively keeping their younger kin close to them as they slept. _

_Moments like those often tug at my heart because I know they cannot be like this forever. As I quietly throw a blanket over them and loweer the TV, I steal a final glance at my four young boys. _

_No matter what, they will always be my little boys. When the time comes for them to go on their own life journey, I know I will be here to guide and help them along. _

_It is a painful thought, as I sit drinking tea and thinking hard about it. But it is life. _

_I want my boys to be happy, and to live as long as they can, enjoying every minute of life along the way. I never want to see them shed tears, but I know times like that occur as well. _

_I love you, my sons. And I wish you nothing short of the best in your future. _

_From, your father, Hamato Splinter. _

**END**

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**And finished! I'm still getting used to writing in Splinter's POV, but I hope I did alright. **

**With that, this is the end of 'Hurt'! Thank you for reading and taking the time to let me know what I should work on; please continue to read and review, but most of all, any tips or advice you have will really be appreciated.**

**Until next time!**


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